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读后续写:“三招式” 完成动作描写

读后续写:“三招式” 完成动作描写

读后续写:“一个公式” 打造完美人物对话

读后续写:“三个句式” 搞定情感描写

袁枚说过: “一切诗文, 总须字立纸上, 不可字卧纸上。人活则立, 人死则卧, 用笔亦然”。这个 “活” 就要依赖动作描写,因为动词的最突出特点就是 “活”。人物的每一个行动都受其思想、性格制约。因此,具体、细致地描写某一人物在某一情况下所做出的反应,主要是动作反应,就势必显示出了这一人物的内心活动、处世态度、思想品质。成功的动作描写可以交代人物的身份、地位,可以反映人物心理活动的进程,表现人物的性格特征,创造生动的画面和活跃的场景,推动情节的发展。

招式一:精致措辞 ------ 具体替代笼统

技法示例:

1. 她看了一眼。

She glanced at him.

升级:She shot her a meaningful look. 她向他意味深长地看了一眼。

2. 贝利紧盯着他。

Belli looked at him closely.

升级:Belli’s diamond eyes locked on to her. 贝利钻石般的眼睛紧盯着她。

3. 我把他的名字忘记了。

I forgot his name.

升级:His name had completely slipped from my memory. 他的名字,我竟忘得一干二净。

4. 小男孩对他妈妈说对不起。

The little boy said sorry to his mother.

The little boy hung his head and mumbled an apology to his mother. 小男孩垂着头,咕哝着向他母亲道歉。

常见动词升级示例:

“说”:低语whisper / mumble / murmur,结巴:stutter,宣布announce / declare,保证promise / assure,建议propose / suggest,喊叫:cry out / shout / scream / yell / exclaim / howl(因疼痛、愤怒、开心等)大声叫喊,roar咆哮,吼叫,sign叹息 boast 自夸

“看”: catch a glance of / cast a glimpse of / stare at / gaze at / glare at / peep at / raise one’s eyes

walk - tiptoe 蹑手蹑脚地走,slip, steal into,wind one’s way;

“抓”:seize / grasp / grab / clutch / take hold of / catch hold of / hold on to

“跑”:rush/dash/race猛冲, 急速移动;rise to one’s feet站起来;spring / jump to one’s feet 一跃而起, 跳起;slide / slip into溜进;flee away 逃跑

“哭”:weep, sob (啜泣)

“吃”:bite (咬) chew(咀嚼) swallow (吞下)

技法体验:

1. Mary felt her heart race.玛丽感到她的心跳加速。

2. A great silence surrounded them. 周围一片寂静。

3. He stormed out and slammed the door shut.他怒气冲冲地跑了出去,把门重重地关上。

4. She choked and her eyes brimmed with tears.她喉咙哽咽,眼里满是泪水。

5. Abel slammed his foot on the gas and shot up onto the grass and straight toward the bottom of the tree. Able在汽油上用力踩了一下,然后飞快的踏上草坪直直地朝树底下走去。

6. Her pulses beat fast, and the blood warmed and relaxed every inch of her body.她的心跳加快,热血温暖了身体的每个部位,使她感觉到身心完全地放松了

招式二:动作过程:一帧变三帧 (分解---合并---美化)

Step1分解动作Divide the action into several steps;

Step2合并动作Combine a chain of actions together;

Step3美化动作Modify and beautify the action;

示例:

1. He jumped off the bus, dashed into the shop, and yelled at the crowd to leave. 他跳下公共汽车,冲进商店,大喊大叫让人群离开。

2. He reached deep into his pocket, pulled out a handful of change, and held it up to the farmer. 他在兜里掏了半天,掏出一把零钱,递给那个农民。

3. He sprang to his feet, grabbed the bag, and rushed out of the living room. 他一跃而起,抓起书包,冲出起居室。

4. Mac遇到狼上车的动作:

分解:jump off the bicycle — dash into the back seat of the car — slam the door — lean against the seat

合成美化:Mac jumped off the bicycle, dashed into the back seat of the car and slammed the door heavily, leaning against the seat, breathless.

技法示例:

1. 她抱住女儿。

She hugged her daughter.

分解:dash forward --- knee down --- gather

合并:She dashed forward, knelt down and gathered her daughter into her arms.

美化:With a giant smile on her face, she dashed forward, knelt down and gathered her daughter into her arms tightly.

2. 她去捉蝴蝶。

She went to catch the butterfly.

分解:creep爬, bend弯腰, cup(使成杯型)

合并:She crept along the path, bent over and cupped her hands around the butterfly.

美化:She crept along the path, bent over swiftly and cupped her hands around the butterfly gently. 她蹑手蹑脚地走着小路,迅速弯下腰,轻轻地绕着蝴蝶。

3. 朝狼扔石块。

分解:Pick up --- aim at --- throw

合并:Having picked up a stone, he aimed at the wolf and threw it to the wolf.

美化:Having picked up a stone firmly, he aimed at the fierce wolf carefully and threw it straight to the wolf with all his strength.

4. 我早上匆忙去上学。

分解:Put on my coat --- grabbed my schoolbag --- rushed to school

合并:I put on my coat, grabbed my schoolbag and rushed to the school.

美化:Putting on my coat hurriedly, I grabbed my schoolbag and rushed to the school like an arrow.

5. 这个歌手在台上唱歌。

分解:Glanced at the audience --- took a deep breath --- began to sing

合并:The singer glanced at the audience, took a deep breath and began to sing.

美化:Anxiously glancing at the audience, the singer took a deep breath and began to sing with emotion.

美化手段:

① With + 情感名词的搭配:

with delight / excitement / pleasure/ happiness / joy / satisfaction / anger / rage / patience / fear / terror / embarrassment / pride / caution / care / patience / certainty

② with+身体部位: 

with its hungry red eyes / its sharp teeth / her shaky hand / her pale lips…

③ in+名词:  

in surprise / amazement / shock / sorrow伤心

in a high / low / sweet / loud / soft / weak voice 用..的嗓音

In a tone of surprise / curiosity / impatience / regret /command命令 用...的语气

④ 副词 suddenly / immediately / instantly / rapidly / firmly / slowly / angrily / happily / excitedly

示例:

1. Jane murmured, sprang up and dashed to the center of an open area, waving her yellow blouse desperately and yelling at the helicopter with excitement.

2. Sailors came across pirates on an island.

--- A few days later, a passing ship came into view at some distance. We were thrilled and                                dashed to the shore, waving our arms in the air with excitement. Unfortunately, it was a pirate ship. “Quick, back to the hut”. I yelled in terror. We spang to our feet and fled. But it was too late, we were spotted                               by the pirates.

用法体验:

1. 这个天真的被妈妈抱着的女孩心疯狂地跳动着,兴奋地尖叫着,打开她一直期待着的精致的礼盒。

With her heart beating wildly, the innocent girl, held by her mom and screaming with excitement, unwrapped her delicate gift box which she had been looking forward to without any hesitation.

2. 我们车上的每个人都在一旁看着,疯狂地笑着。Ryan挣扎着站起来,掸了掸夹克上的灰尘,走到一个空座位前。

Every one of us on the bus looked on and laughed crazily, Ryan struggled to his feet, dusted the jacket and made his way to an empty seat.

3. She felt cold.

--- She pulled her collar up, tightened her scarf, stuck her hands deep into her pockets and turned her face away from the biting wind.

招式三:动作美化:多角度摄像

技法示例:

1. 面部--- 睁大眼睛惊恐万分

肢体 --- 逃走

语言/心理 --- 大喊妈妈

Widening his eyes in extreme horror, Sheldon fled away, screaming, “Mom, help!”

2. 心理 --- 受老师鼓舞

肢体 --- 举起手

语言 --- 小声说“我来”

Encouraged by the teacher's words, he raised his hand, whispering “I volunteer.” 受到老师的鼓舞,他举起手,小声说道:“我来” (whisper小声说)

技法体验:

1. Looking straight into my eyes, Mike stroke my hair, whispering,“You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.”

2. At the sight of the sudden appearance of Ne Zha, these villagers were so scared that they shouted aloud with terror.

3. Burning with anger, he glared at me with his big frightening eyes, yelling, “You’re such an idiot.”

4. As night was beginning to fall, Jane sat on the grass, staring at the vast sky, frightened and starved.

A young man came to the police station, surrounded by a group of journalists, declaring that he had spotted the murderer.

5. That starry night, admiring the moon rising above the distant mountain and accompanied by the amusing stories of naughty David, we felt we’d had the most enjoyable camping trip. 在那个繁星满天的夜晚,我们欣赏着月亮从远处的山上升起,伴随着顽皮的大卫的有趣故事,我们感到我们进行了一次最愉快的野营旅行。

综合体验:

1. In the morning, as scheduled, 1. the twins got up early, tiptoed to the kitchen and scooped some flour out of the bag.(双胞胎早早起床,踞着脚走进厨房,从袋子里舀出面粉)Once they set about making bread,they felt confused. At that time,2. their father slid into the kitchen,patting the twins’ shoulders and comforting them in a soft voice,(他们的爸爸溜进厨房,轻拍双胞胎的肩膀,柔声安慰道)“Don’t quit. You can overcome the challenge.” The twins made the bread smoothly. Then,3. they carried the breakfast,advanced upstairs and woke up their mother. (他们端着早餐,向楼上走去,喊醒他们的妈妈).With her eyes glittering with excitement, the mother was so content that she gathered her children into her arms.

2. 患有脑疾的小男孩David参加越野比赛,赛前他信心动摇想要放弃,“我“鼓励他积极面对困难,战胜自我,David接受了我的建议,尽管困难重重他依然勇敢地完成了比赛,赢得其了同学们的喝彩。(选自2022年高考全国1卷)

I watched as David moved to the starting line with the other runners. He turned his head around to look at me and I signaled to him with a thumbs up, feeling proud of him. He smiled, took a deep breath and got ready for the race,eyes brimming with determination. With a bang, every runner (跑得像箭一样快) shot like an arrow. He ran with all his strength, in spite of his abnormal steps. Eventually, he finished the running. As David, the last one, made it to the finishing line, (时间像静止了一样) time seemed to stand still. Thunderous applause broke out, with the name David echoing again and again.

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